In St. Petersburg, in the rich house of the Zvezdintsevs, a handsome and depraved footman Grigory admires himself in front of the mirror for a long time, lazily responding to the repeated calls of Vasily Leonidich, the master's son, flirting with Tanya, a cheerful and energetic maid.
In the usual morning turmoil, servants scurry around, visitors constantly ring the doorbell: an artilleryman from Bourdieu with a dress and a note for the lady, Sakhatov Sergey Ivanovich, former comrade of the minister, elegant gentleman, free and interested in everything, a doctor who regularly watches the lady, Jacob the barman forever guilty, awkward and shy. Between the doctor and Sakhatov, a conversation about spiritualism breaks out and breaks out. The entire running is controlled by the valet Fedor Ivanovich, an "amateur" of education and politics, a smart and kind person.
A new doorbell. The doorman reports on the arrival of men from the Kursk village, bothering about buying land. Among them - Mitri Chilikin, father of the barman Semyon, groom Tanya. While Fedor Ivanovich is at the gentleman's place, men and guests are waiting under the stairs.
In the growing fuss - between the "eternal" conversation with Sakhatov about spiritualism, the questions of the artisan, the explanations of Fedor Ivanovich, the new guest of his son - Leonid Fedorovich Zvezdintsev, retired lieutenant of the horse guard, the owner of twenty-four thousand dessiatines, a soft, pleasant gentleman - after long explanations the peasants finally understand their request: to accept the amount collected by the whole world, four thousand rubles in silver at once, and the remaining installment money - as agreed last year. “That was last year; then I agreed, but now I can’t, ”Leonid Fedorovich refuses. The peasants ask, insist: “Hopefully, we straightened out the paper ...” Leonid Fedorovich promises to think and takes the paper to his office, leaving the peasants discouraged.
At this time, Vasily Leonidovich, who, as always, desperately needs money for another venture, finding out the reason for the arrival of men, unsuccessfully trying to beg his father and in the end receives the right amount from his mother. The men, observing the young master, perplexedly talk among themselves. "For feed, say, parents left ..."; "This one will feed what to say."
Meanwhile, Betsy, the youngest daughter of the Zvezdintsevs, flirting with Petrishchev, a friend of her brother, chatting with Maria Konstantinovna, a music teacher, finally lets go of the artisan from Bourdieu, still waiting in the front: her mother refused to pay for the dress - Betsy’s fancy dress is indecent, too open. Betsy is pouting: Brother Vovo has just received three hundred rubles to buy dogs. Young people are going to sing with Vasily Leonidich with a guitar. Men, waiting for a decision, are amazed at what is happening.
Semen returns, following the usual orders of the lady. Tanya watches anxiously the meeting of the father with her son, as they must agree on a wedding. The peasants are looking forward to Fedor Ivanovich, from whom they learn that Leonid Fedorovich is “in session”. Soon Leonid Fedorovich himself announced a decision: the spirits ordered them to refuse and not to sign the paper.
Perplexed peasants are suddenly noticed by a mistress, obsessed with cleanliness and fear of contracting germs. A scream rises, the lady demands a complete disinfection, returns the doctor, just released before the start of the evening seance. The doctor advises to do it "cheaply and angrily": a tablespoon of salicylic acid on a bottle of water, wash everything, and "of these fellows, of course, get out." The lady, on the move, inventing instructions for the servants - the main thing is that she cannot catch the beloved Fifka dog, - leaves. Petrishchev and Vasily Leonidych, satisfied, count the money received from maman.
In the absence of gentlemen, Tanya slowly returns the men again. They beg Fedor Ivanovich once again to pat for them. After a new failure, Tanya suddenly laughs that if the paper “only needs to be signed,” she could help: she takes a “document”, sends the men out to the street, and through Fedor Ivanovich herself, she calls the master to “say a word” in secret, face to face , and it is revealed to him that Semyon wants to marry her, but there is a “spiritualism” behind him - he will sit at the table, and the spoon itself will jump into his hands ... Is this dangerous? Leonid Fedorovich reassures Tanya and, to joy, gives her orders exactly to Fedor Ivanovich exactly according to her plan, and he is considering how to plant Semyon at the next session with a new medium. In the end, Tanya asks Fyodor Ivanovich "instead of his father" to be her matchmaker, to speak with Father Semyon.
At the beginning of the second action, the men and Fedor Ivanovich discuss matters in human kitchen: matchmaking, land sale, urban and rural living, Tanino promise to help. Their conversation is interrupted by the chores of the cook, the coachman’s complaints - they brought three males from Vasily Leonidich - “either live in the coachman’s dogs or live in the coachmen”. After the departure of Fyodor Ivanovich, the cook explains to the peasants the charms of lordly living and the dangers of a “sweet life”: there are always white rolls for tea, sugar, different dishes, from classes - cards and piano in the morning, balls and masquerades. Easy work and free food “mess up” the common man. There are many such weakened, lost creatures - the old drunken cook on the stove, the girl Natalya, who died in the hospital. In the kitchen - a busy place - every now and then crush, people are changing. Semyon, before sitting down with the gentlemen, looks in for a moment to exchange a few words with his father - “if God will give, we will fall on the earth, because I’ll take you, Semka, home.” Tanya runs in, hurries the servant, treats the men, on the go telling them cases from the man’s life. “That's it, it seems like life is good, and sometimes it’s disgusting for them to remove all these nasty things,” and finally shows the paper from behind the apron: “I try, I try ... If only one thing succeeds ... "
Vasily Leonidovich and Sakhatov appear in the kitchen. The same conversation with the peasants about the sale of land is repeated. Sugar hides a spoon in the bag of one of them, leave. The rest are stacked at night, turn off the light. Silence, sighs. Then we hear the clatter of footsteps, the sound of voices, the doors open wide and swiftly burst: Grosman blindfolded, holding Sakhatov’s hand, professor and doctor, fat lady and Leonid Fedorovich, Betsy and Petrishchev, Vasily Leonidych and Marya Konstantinovna, lady and baroness, Fedor Ivanovich and Tanya. The men jump up. They go, they are looking. Grossman stumbles on a bench. The lady notices the men and again raises a tantrum: all around is "diphtheria infection." They do not pay attention to it, so everyone is busy searching for an item. Grosman, after circling through the kitchen, bends down to the bag of the third man and takes out a spoon. General delight. Those without Betsy, Maria Konstantinovna, Petrishchev and Vasily Leonidich, under the supervision of a doctor, check the temperature, Grosman's pulse, interrupting each other, talk about the nature of hypnosis. The lady still makes a scandal to Leonid Fedorovich: “You only know your stupid things, and the house is on me. You will infect everyone. ” Chases men and leaves in tears. Tanya with a sigh escorts the peasants to the janitorial.
On the evening of the same day, former guests gathered in the drawing room of Leonid Fedorovich to conduct "experiments." They are looking forward to Seeds, a new medium. Tanya is hiding in the room. Betsy notices her, and Tanya reveals her plan to her. After Betsy left, she, along with Fedor Ivanovich, cleaned the room: a table in the middle, chairs, a guitar, harmony. Worry about Semen - is he clean. In the undercoat, washed, Semen appears. He is instructed: “Don’t think, but give yourself up to your mood: you want to sleep — sleep, you want to walk — go <...> You can get up into the air ...” When Semyon is left alone, Tanya is inaudible with him. Semyon repeats her lessons: “... to wet matches. Wave - once. <...> two teeth crack. I forgot the third ... "-" And the third - most of all: as the paper falls on the table - I’ll ring the bell again - so you grab it with your hands <...>. And as you capture, so press <...> as if in a dream <...> And as I play the guitar, as if I wake up ... ”Everything happens according to the Tanya scenario. The paper is signed. Guests disperse, animatedly sharing their impressions. Tanya is alone, crawls out from under the couch and laughs. Gregory notices her and threatens to tell about her wickedness and tomfoolery.
The theater presents the scenery for the first act. Two "alien" visiting footman. The princess and the princess descend from above. Betsy escorts them. The princess looks in the booklet, reads the schedule of her visits, Gregory puts on her boots, then shoes the young princess. At parting, they remember the last session. Gregory argues with lackeys about the difference between their “low” position and the master’s: “There is no difference. Today I am a lackey, and tomorrow, maybe, I will live no worse than them. ” Goes to smoke. Following him: "oh, they don’t like such spindles." Petrishchev escapes from above, towards him Coco Klingen. They throw charades, puns, prepare for a rehearsal of a home performance, for a masquerade. Betsy joins them, laughing with a story about his father’s spiritualistic “performance” yesterday. Their chirping alternates with the conversations of the servants of the lackeys, sluggish Jacob. Tanya joins them: she already gave the paper to the peasants. It remains only to beg the owners to give a calculation - "you can’t stay here." She and Jacob again ask for the intercession of Fyodor Ivanovich, each about his own.
During the seeing off of the old countess with fake hair and teeth in front of Fyodor Ivanovich, the lady, lackeys, a fight between Gregory and Semyon suddenly breaks out. In response to the anger of the lady, the attempts of Fedor Ivanovich to justify Semyon Gregory reveals their conspiracy with Tanya and "cheating" in the session. “If she weren’t, they wouldn’t have signed the paper and the peasants would not have sold the land.” Scandal. And then the peasants are tearing at the door, to give money past the doorman. The lady upsets the case, shames Leonid Fedorovich at all, initiates the interrogation of Tanya, threatens to file a justice of the peace because of the loss caused by her for several thousand. But thanks to Betsy’s intervention, recognition of complicity, the professor’s reports about the Thirteenth Congress of Spiritualists in Chicago, a new attack of madam against Jacob (“Get out, get out!”) And fear of the “sick” (“rash on the nose”, “reservoir of infection” ) - in the confusion the men finally take the money and Tanya is allowed to go home to get ready for the wedding. Fyodor Ivanovich parting with her: "... when you heal the house, I will come to stay with you ..."
